Pity Party

Well, today is my birthday. How did I spend it? By going to the hospital to get some lab work done for Carson. We'll probably get something to eat tonight, but that's about it. We can't really go out because we are trying to limit where we take Carson right now. That's okay though, I don't need some big hoopla to celebrate my birthday. What I am disappointed in is my lack of weight loss. I usually get some clothes for my birthday. I was really hoping to be able to find clothes in a size or 2 smaller. But alas, that is not going to happen.

Hm, what else can I complain about? Oh yeah, my hair. I decided to cut my hair because I needed a little pick me up. I had been debating whether or not to do it for awhile. So I decided to just go for it. Ugh. I HATE it. I wish I didn't do it. I went for an A-line with some stacked layers, but my hair just doesn't look good with it. Plus, it is too short. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait for it to grow out a bit and then I think it will look better.

And here's the big one. I think I might have a bit of postpartum depression. Either that or I'm just extremely stressed out. I love my kids more than anything and I'm extremely grateful for them, but I'm having a hard time being a mom right now. I find myself wishing I could go back to my life before having kids. Plus, Carson has so many health problems, I can't stop thinking about what it would be like if he were to die. Whenever I think about that, I immediately start crying and I have to tell myself to stop. Which is of course easier said than done. The stress is just really getting to me and I'm having a hard time dealing with a high needs baby and an almost 4 year old demanding my attention.

Anyway, sorry for the pity party. I just really needed to vent.